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Elder LeanneTherapist’s Corner...
Adapting to “What Is”

     I found out that I had to write an article for the newsletter this month. The subjects to write on include adaptability, flexibility, and transition. After the initial shock of realizing I had to have this done “soon,” I smiled because the subjects fit this moment, and several situations in my life. 
     Then the question was what do I write about? There are so many things to which we must adapt. I knew it needed to come from the heart, so I thought...Do I write about our son graduating from med school next year and his anticipation as he waits to find out where his residency will be? Do I write about our niece who is learning to adapt to her first year of college, how much she will go through, and how much I miss her? Do I write about our nephew (her brother) who is a senior in high school and 14 months younger than our niece and how much he misses her? Do I talk about my sister (their mother) and what she is going through and how she is adapting to those changes? Do I talk about my youngest sister and how much I miss having her close and visiting and laughing with her? Do I talk about my wonderful parents and concerns about their aging? Do I talk about missing family and friends and many times wishing I could be two places at once? Do I talk about my infertility and how that has affected my life? 
     Yes, there it was...Infertility is something that is hard to understand unless you have been there. It is also something that takes a great deal of adaptability, flexibility, and in the end, transition. It took us 5 ½ years to be blessed with our wonderful son. We were so very happy that he was healthy and continue to be blessed beyond measure to this day.  
     After I had the opportunity to become a mother, I wanted to be a mother again. This time we were not as lucky. We tried several things and even considered adoption. As it so happened, we continue our life as a family of three. Initially our son enjoyed the one-on-one time he had with us but one of the most difficult times was when he started asking for a brother or sister and we had to find a way to explain that to him. That was tough. 
     As time goes on my husband and I reminisce about how truly blessed we are to have our son happy and healthy, and watch as he becomes a wonderful young adult. I have to be honest that I do, from time to time, think about the “what ifs” and about how my heart ached to become a mother “just one more time.” I think about “there’s a reason for everything,” and I know that somehow, some way, there is a reason for my situation. 
     Several things that definitely helped me adapt is how close I am to our nieces and nephews, and cousins and kids, and friends kids and then in my profession working with kids. As we go through difficult times in our lives, no matter what they are, and we adapt to “what is,” we transition to finding different ways to fulfill those once empty places in our hearts, and learn to truly embrace who/what we have in our lives. 
     Thank you,

~ Leanne Elder, Therapist

JordanTherapist’s Corner…
Adaptability in Relationships 

     Often with clients, frustrations arise due to dysfunctional relationships in their lives. Work relationships, family relationships and romantic relationships all have the potential to cause extra stress in our lives. It is important to recognize our feelings and identify patterns. If someone in your life is continuously letting you down, it may be time to ask “what should I expect?” Truly, what should you expect from this person? Are you consistently unhappy because you have expectations of this person that they are unable to meet?
     When it comes to the people in our lives we need to recognize and accept where their strengths lie. Often, and more importantly, we need to recognize where their weaknesses lie. We have to adapt to the different people in our lives so that we can best appreciate them. Would it make sense to spend years frustrated with your cat because it refuses to learn to play fetch, and mad at your dog because it will not learn to use the litter box? Of course not. Learn to appreciate those around you for what gifts they have to offer, not merely what you want out of them.

“Life isn’t about getting and having, it’s about giving and being.” ~Kevin Kruse

~ Jordan Allen, Therapist 

HainATips from Our EAP…
Coping with Crisis

     No one will ever live a life so fortunate as to escape living through a crisis. Traumatic events such as job loss, divorce, sexual assault, or the death of a loved one can throw a life into upheaval and create a dangerous mix of grief, anger, depression, and hopelessness. This can lead to permanent psychological and emotional harm if not dealt with in a healthy and constructive manner.

What is a crisis?
     A crisis is "an unstable or crucial time or state of affairs in which a decisive change is impending" (Webster's Dictionary). Crises are not necessarily about trauma, but human reaction to it. Because all individuals have different psychological make ups, an event that creates a crisis for one individual may not create one for another.
     As often noted, the Chinese "word" for crisis actually combines two individual characters that closely represent "danger" and "opportunity." A crisis creates a crossroads in an individual's life that can either lead to personal growth or transition to greater dysfunction.

How do I know if I'm experiencing a crisis?
     You are experiencing a crisis when an event causes you to feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with its repercussions. Events that trigger a crisis are not always external. An internal event such as a new awareness that destroys an important personal belief can trigger a crisis. The following are indicators that you may be experiencing a crisis. Not all individuals experience every one.

     * Sadness
     * Anger or rage
     * Hopelessness
     * Confusion
     * Fear
     * Guilt
     * Mood swings
     * Forgetfulness
     * Withdrawal from friends and family
     * Flashbacks to the crisis event
     * Inability to concentrate
     * Disrupted sleep patterns or insomnia
     * Lack of appetite
     * Fatigue
     Check in with us on our next newsletter to find ways of coping with a crisis and how Family Resources of Greater Nebraska, P.C. is there for you...

~ Anna Hain, EAP Program Director

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